If we watch ourselves carefully, we will know that we are always in a hurry. Whatever we are doing, walking, eating, driving, working, we are always in a hurry to finish. But we do not know the reason for our hurried-ness We do not know what will we do after we finish what we are doing now. But we are always in the hurry to finish.
This hurried-ness comes is unconsciousness. We don’t know but we hurry. If you read my post “Why we hate? – The exercise”, you will know that we are not one, but we are divided into so many identities. Some of then we are already and the other identities, we want to be. But this whole thing is imaginary. All the “I”s are imaginary.
We are in a hurry because, we fear that if we are late, we might cease to be what we think we are, we may no longer be the “I” we think we are. These “I”s make us who we are, otherwise who we would be. But the strangest part is that, all these “I”s are imaginary and we keep chasing and protecting these “I”s all our lives. It is just like you imagine someone has thrown a ball high up, an imaginary ball, thrown high up by an imaginary person, and you run to catch the imaginary ball in reality. This is madness.
All those things that are in your mind are imaginary, they cannot be real, but take them to be real, they make us who we are, how can we let them go? The only reality is here and now.
In your mind, automatically you are put in a situation, good or bad, whatever, and then another “I” emerges rationalizes the situation. If it is a bad situation, the “I” says “don’t worry everything will be fine” and if it is a good situation, you rejoice in your imagination. But the unfortunate part is that everything is imaginary, except what you are doing here and now.
In your mind, several “I”s emerge and they keep talking with each other and the “Real” you does something else. But we are not able to do something else, we get involved in the argument or discussion between the “i”s in our mind. By “We” I mean another “I”, forms and takes part in the mental discussion. Two “I”s are discussing and we take the form of another “I” and join the discussion in our mind, all imaginary. “I” after “I” forms and we are lost in the discussion.
The moment we take part in the discussion, we are lost from the real world. If we are walking our walk takes the rhythm of the discussion that is going on. If we are driving, our driving takes the rhythm of the inner talk. This happens because we remain unaware of the inner talk. The moment you are aware of the inner talks, the inner talk stops.
Most of us are unaware of this inner talk. I have devised an exercise that would let you know your inner talk. It is as follows:
Most of the time, when we are walking with someone, we see that the speed of our walk increases and becomes very fast. We are continuously talking and our walking gets faster and faster and reaches a point where our legs start to ache. Then we slow down. Till the time, our legs did not ache, we did not realize that we are walking so fast. But we did not start with an intention or objective to walk fast. But it happened. This happened because, our walk took the rhythm of our talk.
The same happens when you are walking alone. We start slow but then the speed increases when we have walked for some time. We think we are alone but we are not. What will happen to all these “I”s. We are actually many, may be hundreds, all alive and kicking! They are talking discussing their survival strategies. And every moment another “I” emerge and take part in the discussion, all imaginary, but we think that it is us.
The walking exercise:
Start walking alone on a road or a park, a place which is not so crowded
With time your speed will increase but you will not know about it.So I suggest you put an alarm so that it reminds you in 10 minutes time after you have started.
The moment the alarm rings – stop for 5 minutes – you may sit, if you find a place to sit nearby
Just watch your mind – The thoughts and you walk were “synergizing” each other. They were moving at a same speed, the thoughts in your mind, and your walk. The thoughts had also taken up a momentum. The moment you stop walking and sit. The thoughts, having a momentum, will continue in the same speed for some time. This is the time, when you will come to know your inner chatter very clearly.
Start walking very slowly after 5 minutes of sitting. – I mean very slowly – you will notice that the chatter will be minimum when you walk very slowly. Keep walking for 10 minutes very slowly. In these ten minutes, if you are aware, you will slowly feel that, as time is passing after you have started walking slowly, the intensity of the inner chatter is increasing very slowly.
These 5 steps will very clearly let you know you inner chatter. It will let you know what you are thinking all the time. You are discussing all the time in your mind. In step 4, when you watch your mind, things will be very clear. If you continue with this exercise for 5 days, you will know all your major inner arguments, because our arguments are all repetitive.
Once you know your inner chatter, you will realize that you are not actually who you think you are. You will come to know that you are most of the time an imaginary identity in your mind, discussing with all other identities.
Then your actions will change, because, you will earlier only aware of the inner chatter and took it for reality. Now you will have options, whether to act as per the requirement of this moment or go as per the inner imaginary chatter in your mind.
These imaginary identities are kept alive only by thinking. The more you are unconscious, lost in your mind, the more they are prominent and alive. The more you throw the light of your awareness on them, they vanish. This is the reason why humans are always thinking, they need time to think, they need time for relaxation, so that they can always think, unconsciously, and keep them alive.
Knowing your inner imaginary chatter, and understanding that it is all imaginary and acting as per the requirement of the moment will completely change your life for the better.
This is a continuation of my post – “Why we hate?”. As I have always said, in order to like or love, you have to first eliminate hate. You cannot forcibly eliminate hate or forcibly love. Love is always there, but it is clouded by hate. You have to remove hate by understanding. Once hate has been removed by understanding, love will automatically happen. So our effort should not be to love, but to remove hate.
I have written about an exercise in my post – “why we hate?”. I am doing the exercise myself, to make you understand clearly what I meant in my previous post.
I have made three columns – The first column contains all the “I”s. It contains what makes us who we are, in the second column I have written the person or the situation that make us who we are and in the third column I have written when we start hating the person responsible for making who we are.
|What makes you “YOU”||Person/Things concerned that makes You “YOU”||When we think that we are in trouble and hate the person concerned|
|I am a good person||Society||The society has given you a label of a good person. If one or more person in the society calls you bad or not so good, you start hating that person and love those who call us good|
|I am 30 years old||Society||Any one who calls you older or younger that what you are, you start hating that person|
|I am a son/Daughter||Father/Mother||If by any change, my parents disown me, we become depressed|
|I am a father/Mother||Son/Daughter||When your son or daughter leaves you, you become sad|
|I am a husband/wife||Husband/wife||When we go through a divorce, we suffer and ultimately start hating the spouse of causing you so much trouble|
|I have a good looking husband/wife||Society||Someone says your spouse in ugly, you hate that person|
|I am good looking||Society||Someone calls you ugly – you hate that person|
|I have a healthy body||Myself/society||Someone comments that you are looking sick and down, you hate that person|
|I am a friend||My Friends||when your friends leaves you (goes to another city) or when he is no longer a friend, when he no longer listens to you, hatred slowly develops|
|I am an Employee in a Reputed Company||Company||when the company asks you to leave, you hate it.|
|I am the owner of a car||My Car||When you car is no longer your car or is stolen or has been damaged or has broken down, you are sad and eventually think about selling your car – you start hating your car or the person who lead to that situation|
|I am the owner of a house||My House||When you have to sell your house for some reason or the other you feel sad|
|I have money in my account||The money||when you loose money, you are worried and sad|
|I am famous in my fiend circle||My Friend circle||when you lose importance in your friend circle, you are sad|
|I am educated||My school/College||when someone calls you that you are behaving like an uneducated person, you hate that person|
|I am a student||My school/College||When, due to some reason or the other, you are asked to leave you school, you hate you school or college|
|I am a teacher||My students||When one or more students leave you, you are sad|
|I am someone’s adviser||The person(s) I advise||When the person who seeks advise from you no longer does so, you are initially sad, and then start to hate that person|
|My Goals||Person/Things concerned that will make us achieve our goals.||When we think that we are in trouble and start hating the other|
|I want to be rich||Money (Through work or Business)||When you lose you job or your business suffers or when you lose money you are sad and hate the person who is responsible for this loss|
|I want a promotion||My Manager||You hate you manager for promoting some other employee instead of you|
|I want to start a business||Money, Idea, Co-founders, Customers||Someone does not invest in your company, someone disagrees to lend you money, your team disintegrates and all of then join another person, or you business has started and then somehow your products don’t see, your prospective customers do not buy you product – you start hating the person responsible for not allowing you to start a business|
|I want to be famous & renowned||Society||The society does not consider you famous. You hate to live in the same society and change your city or may be country (some people do change countries)|
|I want to be a writer||My Idea, Publisher, Readers||You do not have a proper Idea – you hate yourself, you find someone already has the same idea and has already published – you hate yourself, your publisher does not agree to publish your book -you hate the publisher, the readers do not consider you a good writer – you start cursing all of them you has disagreed|
|I want a bigger car||Money||Somehow you are not able to have that money required to buy your favorite car – you hate the person or the situation responsible|
|I want a bigger house||Money||Somehow you are not able to have that money required to buy your favorite car – you hate the person or the situation responsible|
|I want another kid||spouse||Your wife does not agree for another baby, you hate you wife and may be you will think about divorce|
|I want to look good||Society||Someone says that you cannot be that good looking – you hate all the people who have said that you cannot be that beautiful|
|I want a good looking spouse||Spouse||You will not marry till the time you find the person of your choice – any by any chance if he or she is not upto the mark, you will hate her|
|I want a rich spouse||Spouse||Your spouse was rich when you married, but due to some reason or the other, he has lost all the money – you hate him or her an eventually think about divorce|
|Since I am good, I want all my colleagues to like me||Colleagues||You will hate the colleague who says that you are not good|
|I want the whole world to love me, whoever I meet||the whole world||This is not possible – you will hate the whole world and eventually hate yourself for not being that good so that everyone loves you|
|I want a peaceful life||situations around||Life keeps changing all the time – in case there is a crisis – you will hate yourself and you will be suicidal|
|Every 3 months I want a vacation||Money, Time, Manager||There are possibilities that you may not have money, your manager did not approve you leave application, may be your have other more important work and you had to skip your vacation – you will start hating every person or situation that did not allow you to have the vacation|
|I want to tour the world||Money||There are possibilities that you may not have money, your manager did not approve you leave application, may be your have other more important work and you had to skip your vacation – you will start hating every person or situation that did not allow you to have the vacation|
The whole of the first column is imaginary and it is called your ego. These are all desires and they help you to be who you are. Otherwise who will you be? But all these things are cause of your trouble. Whole life, in order to realize these identities, we chase one thing or the other. If these are imaginary, than what is real? The place where you are reading this post is real. This moment – here and now is real. Everything else is just a dream. You you watch yourself – your actions and your thoughts very carefully, you will see that every single word uttered or every effort made is towards realizing the “I”s in the first column.
We hate when someone does not help us realize our first column. All our hatred arises from our desire to keep the “I”s alive. Anyone against this first column of ours, he is our greatest enemy.
The moment you know these identities of yours, these “I”s, you will know why you hate. The moment hate comes, if you are aware, you will be relate between your hate and your imaginary Identity, your “I”.
We search for peace of mind. We search for happiness. But how can we be happy and satisfied when we have much to do. Each “I” interferes with the other. And after all, trying to have peace of mind is also an attempt to realize one of the “I”s.
For someone like Gautama, the Buddha, the first column is Blank. This leads to the peak of “peace of mind” that a human being can attain. It leads to enlightenment. It does not happen by making – “peace of mind” a goal, else it would be one of the contents of your first column, but by doing away with the goal.
Having “peace of mind” as a goal is an interesting topic for discussion. We will discuss about it in another post.
We cannot do away with the first column, it does not happen so drastically But if we, GIVE A PAUSE, between our actions, if we watch ourselves, if we develop awareness, we will have a choice. You will know the driving driving force behind every action of yours. The driving force has enormous momentum, the moment you pause, the momentum is lost and you can then change you action from what your mind is saying and what is requirement of the moment. Then these “I”s do exist for sometime, but they do not have any power on you . Yo being to change.
Action: The only way to stop the Inner chattering
To act, a person needs to be here and now, because any action requires your physical presence. You cannot act in your imagined worlds. Though you may dwell in your imagined worlds, but to act you have to come back home.
We love to dwell in our imagined worlds because it is a world created by us.
You may be mentally present in another continent or driving a Ferrari, but to act you have to be present in the place where you are.
So, action is only one thing that can bring you in the current moment, Leaving your imaginations behind. Action is another way of pivoting yourself to the present moment making the imaginations and inner talk irrelevant. Otherwise these imagination and talks become a massive hurdle to anything new that you do.
When you are into action, you do not carry your ego with you. The ego is old. It is a product of conditioning, a product of knowledge. Action brings our the new.
Since you do not have your ego, the voice, which is the voice of the ego, is no longer there. You are no longer your ego you become the action. Action only can liberate you from your conditioned past and make space for the new to take over.