This is a continuation of my post – “Why we hate?”. As I have always said, in order to like or love, you have to first eliminate hate. You cannot forcibly eliminate hate or forcibly love. Love is always there, but it is clouded by hate. You have to remove hate by understanding. Once hate has been removed by understanding, love will automatically happen. So our effort should not be to love, but to remove hate.
I have written about an exercise in my post – “why we hate?”. I am doing the exercise myself, to make you understand clearly what I meant in my previous post.
I have made three columns – The first column contains all the “I”s. It contains what makes us who we are, in the second column I have written the person or the situation that make us who we are and in the third column I have written when we start hating the person responsible for making who we are.
|What makes you “YOU”||Person/Things concerned that makes You “YOU”||When we think that we are in trouble and hate the person concerned|
|I am a good person||Society||The society has given you a label of a good person. If one or more person in the society calls you bad or not so good, you start hating that person and love those who call us good|
|I am 30 years old||Society||Any one who calls you older or younger that what you are, you start hating that person|
|I am a son/Daughter||Father/Mother||If by any change, my parents disown me, we become depressed|
|I am a father/Mother||Son/Daughter||When your son or daughter leaves you, you become sad|
|I am a husband/wife||Husband/wife||When we go through a divorce, we suffer and ultimately start hating the spouse of causing you so much trouble|
|I have a good looking husband/wife||Society||Someone says your spouse in ugly, you hate that person|
|I am good looking||Society||Someone calls you ugly – you hate that person|
|I have a healthy body||Myself/society||Someone comments that you are looking sick and down, you hate that person|
|I am a friend||My Friends||when your friends leaves you (goes to another city) or when he is no longer a friend, when he no longer listens to you, hatred slowly develops|
|I am an Employee in a Reputed Company||Company||when the company asks you to leave, you hate it.|
|I am the owner of a car||My Car||When you car is no longer your car or is stolen or has been damaged or has broken down, you are sad and eventually think about selling your car – you start hating your car or the person who lead to that situation|
|I am the owner of a house||My House||When you have to sell your house for some reason or the other you feel sad|
|I have money in my account||The money||when you loose money, you are worried and sad|
|I am famous in my fiend circle||My Friend circle||when you lose importance in your friend circle, you are sad|
|I am educated||My school/College||when someone calls you that you are behaving like an uneducated person, you hate that person|
|I am a student||My school/College||When, due to some reason or the other, you are asked to leave you school, you hate you school or college|
|I am a teacher||My students||When one or more students leave you, you are sad|
|I am someone’s adviser||The person(s) I advise||When the person who seeks advise from you no longer does so, you are initially sad, and then start to hate that person|
|My Goals||Person/Things concerned that will make us achieve our goals.||When we think that we are in trouble and start hating the other|
|I want to be rich||Money (Through work or Business)||When you lose you job or your business suffers or when you lose money you are sad and hate the person who is responsible for this loss|
|I want a promotion||My Manager||You hate you manager for promoting some other employee instead of you|
|I want to start a business||Money, Idea, Co-founders, Customers||Someone does not invest in your company, someone disagrees to lend you money, your team disintegrates and all of then join another person, or you business has started and then somehow your products don’t see, your prospective customers do not buy you product – you start hating the person responsible for not allowing you to start a business|
|I want to be famous & renowned||Society||The society does not consider you famous. You hate to live in the same society and change your city or may be country (some people do change countries)|
|I want to be a writer||My Idea, Publisher, Readers||You do not have a proper Idea – you hate yourself, you find someone already has the same idea and has already published – you hate yourself, your publisher does not agree to publish your book -you hate the publisher, the readers do not consider you a good writer – you start cursing all of them you has disagreed|
|I want a bigger car||Money||Somehow you are not able to have that money required to buy your favorite car – you hate the person or the situation responsible|
|I want a bigger house||Money||Somehow you are not able to have that money required to buy your favorite car – you hate the person or the situation responsible|
|I want another kid||spouse||Your wife does not agree for another baby, you hate you wife and may be you will think about divorce|
|I want to look good||Society||Someone says that you cannot be that good looking – you hate all the people who have said that you cannot be that beautiful|
|I want a good looking spouse||Spouse||You will not marry till the time you find the person of your choice – any by any chance if he or she is not upto the mark, you will hate her|
|I want a rich spouse||Spouse||Your spouse was rich when you married, but due to some reason or the other, he has lost all the money – you hate him or her an eventually think about divorce|
|Since I am good, I want all my colleagues to like me||Colleagues||You will hate the colleague who says that you are not good|
|I want the whole world to love me, whoever I meet||the whole world||This is not possible – you will hate the whole world and eventually hate yourself for not being that good so that everyone loves you|
|I want a peaceful life||situations around||Life keeps changing all the time – in case there is a crisis – you will hate yourself and you will be suicidal|
|Every 3 months I want a vacation||Money, Time, Manager||There are possibilities that you may not have money, your manager did not approve you leave application, may be your have other more important work and you had to skip your vacation – you will start hating every person or situation that did not allow you to have the vacation|
|I want to tour the world||Money||There are possibilities that you may not have money, your manager did not approve you leave application, may be your have other more important work and you had to skip your vacation – you will start hating every person or situation that did not allow you to have the vacation|
The whole of the first column is imaginary and it is called your ego. These are all desires and they help you to be who you are. Otherwise who will you be? But all these things are cause of your trouble. Whole life, in order to realize these identities, we chase one thing or the other. If these are imaginary, than what is real? The place where you are reading this post is real. This moment – here and now is real. Everything else is just a dream. You you watch yourself – your actions and your thoughts very carefully, you will see that every single word uttered or every effort made is towards realizing the “I”s in the first column.
We hate when someone does not help us realize our first column. All our hatred arises from our desire to keep the “I”s alive. Anyone against this first column of ours, he is our greatest enemy.
The moment you know these identities of yours, these “I”s, you will know why you hate. The moment hate comes, if you are aware, you will be relate between your hate and your imaginary Identity, your “I”.
We search for peace of mind. We search for happiness. But how can we be happy and satisfied when we have much to do. Each “I” interferes with the other. And after all, trying to have peace of mind is also an attempt to realize one of the “I”s.
For someone like Gautama, the Buddha, the first column is Blank. This leads to the peak of “peace of mind” that a human being can attain. It leads to enlightenment. It does not happen by making – “peace of mind” a goal, else it would be one of the contents of your first column, but by doing away with the goal.
Having “peace of mind” as a goal is an interesting topic for discussion. We will discuss about it in another post.
We cannot do away with the first column, it does not happen so drastically But if we, GIVE A PAUSE, between our actions, if we watch ourselves, if we develop awareness, we will have a choice. You will know the driving driving force behind every action of yours. The driving force has enormous momentum, the moment you pause, the momentum is lost and you can then change you action from what your mind is saying and what is requirement of the moment. Then these “I”s do exist for sometime, but they do not have any power on you . Yo being to change.